35

two numbers that can cut you wide and deep
slit you open 'til you see reality settling inside
you
an inevitable one
to someone who sees blue from black
and happiness from a shrouded disaster
to my chagrin
always
never have to question that
yet regretful about what you can see
through the slightly opened window
if only the door has not been shut

i woke up to the sound of fear

a man and a woman were fighting over a small apparatus used by a diabetic patient.  the man was sitting on a dining chair while the woman was standing up, showing the man how to use the thing properly.

i saw this vivid image as my eyes were forced open by the sharp points of their exchange of words.  from the point of view of an outsider, the whole ordeal may seem trivial.  but for someone who knew them since birth, it was believable enough to conclude that their actions stemmed out from a deeply rooted emotion.

fear.

although it's been said that watching horror or thriller movies can have a considerable effect to a person's physical state, i watch one old horror movie at nights when i need to finish a task.  i just let it roll in my player until such time that i'm scaring myself too much and i'm nervous enough not to keep my eyes shut.  sometimes it is fear that pushes me to eat or not lest i acquire diseases.  and every time it is fear that encourages me to be a good person because i believe that God is fair.  He is willing to grant prayers if He sees that a person deserves it and is obedient to Him.

so what about the man and the woman?

i feel they are both afraid to lose each other.  oftentimes in relationships, when a person tries very hard to be understood by the other, he or she doesn't want the relationship to end at that instance.  apparently, it suggests fear.  sometimes it leads to a point when they get frustrated and even try to hurt each other physically though that shouldn't happen. love should always be the reason to stay or get out of a relationship instead of fear.  and if one says that he or she loves another but has fear, it's not love at all - love is without fear.

i have another fear and it has a different kind of story.  i am hoping someday to wake up without it.  :)