don't lose it

one fine day
suddenly turned blue
though the color released images of sunflowers to mind
it quickly changed to a squid-black
as the clock sprinted
and stepped on 1, 2, 3, 4
5, 6, 7, 8
9, 10, 11, 12
trampling to 1
but on the second fine day
cotton-white permeated the air
sending signals of warmth and tenderness
you see
everything's fleeting
so you never have to worry
happiness can circle its way back to you
in one of your finer days

chip

not a chunk.
more of a pinch.
but cuts away a small portion.
from something that gives way.
and lets go of another thing.
that started way back.
that endured every bump on boulders.
lined up on the path i call 'the wonderfully unplanned lie'.
like a portion of a ticket torn away.
or a negative space from a painted bucked tooth.
it is that one put aside.
in the confines of the chamber of a kind hearted man.
and there it will house and grow itself.
together with the other one he's bound to be welded to.
all the days of his life.

restrospective

I pray to see you again. I miss you, Ingkong.

A Restrospect (Mass Orientation with Bro. Eli) 

Believer Magazine, April-May 2005, Vol.02 No.05. - Happy New Year 

pp.90-91 

The entire history of the Church of God International was revealed when Bro. Eli gathered the newly baptized brethren for an orientation last March 13, 2005 at the ADD Convention Center in Apalit, Pampanga. It was 'the event' of the year since this was the first time that the brethren have witnessed the revelation of what our organization had gone through from Bro. Nicolas Perez's to Bro. Eli's time in full details. With Bro. Eli as the prime speaker, a new perspective in each and everyone's divine servitude had surfaced and the faith once abided by had evolved into an unyielding fidelity to God, His ministers, and to the ones He had sent to lead us unto perfection, Bro. Eli and Bro. Daniel. 

The convention center was jampacked with faithfuls who were more than eager to spend the entire day in the company of our preachers. Not only our brothers and sisters aged 1 year below were invited for the acquaintance, but the others as well. It was like a Saturday when we would gather for our weekly 'Thanksgiving'. The atmosphere leaned more to a congenial environment wherein interaction took place and love permeated. Looking out from my spot in the bleacher, I saw all the action and felt all possible emotions I could gather. As Bro. Eli imparted the information invaluable to us as members of the Church of God in the Bible, I saw a woman (a newly baptized sister-in-faith) who, I think, was just about my age. She was sitting so still and listening attentively to what Bro. Eli was saying. Trying not to appear too conclusive, I imagined her former status and condition in life - the adversaries she had faced and the agonies and sorrows conciding them. What brought her to her present situation in life must have been bound to God's powerful deed. And if summoned for an interview, piles of possible stories could be unearthed that will give inspiration and good morals to the brethren. 

Each of us has our own history to tell. From childhood days to the present, our lives are full events and experiences both meaningful and undesirable to us. We may never admit it outwardly though but some of them we just want to forget and consequently develop an attitude of avoiding their probabilities if possible. But generally, these seemingly bad incidents in our lives constitute much pf what we are now - mostly our desirable qualities are products of the existence as well as persistence of unfavorable happenings in our lives. After all the struggles to reach whatever goal or objective we may incur, we became better persons with a full and clear vision of our destination. This substantial stage in a man's life could be regarded as relative to us, members of the Church of God. Before we came to know the Truth, each of our lives were one 'hell' of a roller coaster ride; never knowing when it's going to break off. Apparently, we are now in a sound state. Our lives have more meaning and we have a clear insight to where we are heading. God had revealed all of these to us within the time being of our existence here on earth. And eventhough we know there still are more problems to come, our faith is that God is co-existing with us and the Church. He has seen us through in our 'past' lives. Assuredly, He will guide us through the rest of it. 

Our organization under the leadership of Bro. Eli had gone through tough times adding the similar fate acquired by our preacher. People with evil intentions proved to be a constant nuisance in our determined will of propagating the Word of God. They never stopped creating senseless issues to malign Bro. Eli hoping those lies will cause the members to backslide and yield to them. But from time to time, we have proven that God is on our side. Bro. Eli is alive and undaunted by the many trials and obstacles that went his way. Our brothers and sisters are firm in their faith which is prominently seen through their respective ways of helping Bro. Eli in his plight. One way or the other, benevolence will have to shove through. God will never leave the ones who are true in serving Him deep in the puddle while the supposedly pious persons are wallowing in their worldly pleasures. True that history repeats itself as it is also written in the Bible - truer that God loves His people and He is among them who are steadfast in adhering to His commandments. 

As I was viewing Bro. Eli from afar, I felt his incomparable love for the congregation. It was a homogenous feeling permeating around that was overwhelming in its sense. I couldn't imagine any man who has that kind of love for people who aren't even his close kins or intimate friends, for that matter. I was baptized year 1999 and I haven't shaken hands with Bro. Eli or talked to him privately (maybe in my dreams) but I know he loves me. Never in my stay here in his premises that I begged for food or lacked short with my needs. I am sufficient in provisions and spiritual nourishment. And he's doing it not because he's expecting something in return. Bro. Eli believes it is his duty to provide the brethren with all their needs even if it means sacrificing his. And that for me is the greatest sacrifice a man can offer. Throughout the history of the organization, Bro. Eli proved that he is unfailing in his obligation toward us. Incertitudes and subversions will arise but those aren't enough reasons to doubt the integrity of our preachers and the Church as a whole. A proper forum is necessary to discuss those things and that was what Bro. Eli thought of. 

Many time in his speech, he said, "...kung mawawala ako..." ("...if I would die..."). For me, those words are hurtful enough to make me shed a tear. I couldn't imagine my life without Bro. Eli as I couldn't imagine God punishing me with eternal damnation for my numerous transgressions. I trust God in his commissioning Bro. Eli to preach his teachings and I trust Bro. Eli in the rightful way he's ministering the members of this organization. History is the enduring proof. And God is the eternal witness. 

ctrl z

i wanted to
every single day
but i cannot
because of the unknown thing
that shouldn't have been known
since its realisation within the second month
of this mysterious year
other mouths are faster than mine
and though these fingers i can restrict
within this infant box of letters
i cannot bridle the b
direct the l
dominate the o
force the a
and control the z

friendship's forfeited
felicity gone

white skies

i look up and my eyes wander
to every detail and every inch
of your edges
mapping where i can plant my soft touches
yet scolding my hands
not to
ever
though you are beaming with starlight
your countenance
sends teardrops to fall incessantly
inside
'cause you're too white
and high as the skies
above me
yes, you are



i miss my dog :)

salamat po

sa umagang hindi ko inaasahang darating pa
sa mga notebook at lapis na nagsisilbing kalayaan ko
sa hopiang monggo na pumawi ng sakit ng tyan
sa pintong hindi humadlang sa tawag ng kalikasan
sa maligalig na araw pangtuyo ng nakatulugang labada
sa kaibigang nakalimutan kong tulungan
sa orasang bantay at paalala
sa tunog ng treng nagtatanggol na maayos pa ang aking pandinig
sa nanay at tatay na parang thermometer na consistent sa pagmo-monitor
sa aking mga biik na marunong maghugas ng pinggan, maglaba, magplantsa, at mag-ipon
sa mukhang muli kong masisilayan
sa tatay sa Panginoon na laging nangangaral
sa dalawang tinig na lagi kong nami-miss

kahit hindi ako karapat-dapat sa mga ipinagpapasalamat ko

salamat po

calm you

it is the blue-ness or green-ness of the sea
maybe the still water or the sudden bursts of waves
that pulls and pushes
mixing the colors in my eye palette
the tree firm and unyielding
inches away from the shoreline
leaves and branches swaying rhythmically
to the shy hush of the water
a stretch of land in the horizon
pale yet sending a promise of adventure
once the sky forgets its looming over
anything and everything
it pleases to blanket over
all these images
in a perfectly square picture
revealing
acknowledging
crushing
suffocating
calming
calmness
calm
you.